do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this will be a night to untag.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
