I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
