I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
