why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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