I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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