I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
