Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
