I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
