he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
