He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
