Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
