as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
