70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
