the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
