oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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