Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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