I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
