If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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