how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
