I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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