Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
