the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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