i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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