As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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