we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
