He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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