We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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