So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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