The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
