everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
