I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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