Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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