Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
