His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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