It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
