Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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