just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
