And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
