i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
