Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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