Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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