I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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