well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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