Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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