rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
