He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
