The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
