Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
