if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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