A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
