Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I could fuck to npr.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
