I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
