She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
