I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
