I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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