Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
