Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
