You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
