I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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