I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
