singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
