an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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