The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
